Emptiness in one’s soul calls for the worst kind of self-inflicted suffering. Frustrated with myself, I found refuge in obsessively shrinking my size for an ideal I could not attain. My past images and stranger’s pictures followed me from the scale to the mirror.
The search for perfection gives no meaning in life. You would run in circles forever. When I broke through it, I fell differently. I discovered parts of myself I thought buried for good. With weight gain, came self-hate, self-doubt and hopelessness. Another vicious cycle, the other side of a broken mirror.
My body and my mind were never one, only at nightfall they’d reunite. My consciousness and unconsciousness no different, I felt comfort in playing the victim at the mercy of myself.